Day Forty-One

Miah Rosita, Miah Miah, Babygirl, Sister, Bestie,

Oh babygirl, how much I miss you, the joy and purpose you brought to my life, the fun we had- the list is so long. I’m really struggling to believe I’ve missed you for seven whole weeks. Things are so hard without you. So much I wish I could tell you. One of the things I miss the most is that no matter how the day went, every day at 4pm (sometimes 4:10pm because we all know I’m always late) I would come home and EVERY SINGLE DAY your beautiful face would literally jump up when you saw me and greet me with so much excitement, your beautiful smile, a hug (oh how I could use a Miah hug) and so much love. It didn’t matter that you saw me the day before or that morning before work, you were ALWAYS so happy when I came home. I could always count on you to make even the worst day feel possible.

Miah, you gave me so much hope. Hope I would get better, hope that I could live without suicidal ideation, hope that we could save you and have a really long time with you. The impact you had on those who knew you is outstanding, but the impact you had on me, saved my life. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save yours. I knew this would be horrible, but I had no idea just how much. Though I see the smallest speck of light at the end of the tunnel, I don’t know that it will ever be as bright as when you were by my side.  

Babe, I truly want to thank you for the unimaginable gifts you selflessly gave me. From the moment I met you, you wholeheartedly accepted me. In our entire best friendship, you always made me feel like I could be myself, like I was at peace- that’s not anything I normally feel, and I’m terrified I won’t find that again, but I thank you for always giving me that comfort. I remember the first time you said, “I love you” to me. I truly felt like I earned your love. Thank you for the beautiful gift of your love. What a privilege it is to be one of the people you loved.  

I miss going to Fuzzy’s, taking you to the mall and nail salon, getting lunch and looking at cute boys (you always knew a good-looking boy when you saw one.) I miss taking you and your boyfriend, Chris on dates- the love you two shared was so beautiful, innocent, authentic and genuine. I miss us giving Mom a hard time, teasing Evevetta that I was your favorite, giving you an extra pack of candy, all the times you had my back and kept all my secrets- your loyalty to me was unheard of- you NEVER snitched on me, why? Cause snitches get stitches! Watching Rio is just NOT okay without you, I can’t sing along with Annie or Frozen like you and no one knows ALL the words to Shrek like my Miah.  

I would not be here today if it was not for you, and I am unexplainably grateful for that, but I will never understand why you had to go so soon. My birthday was last month and though Mom took us to breakfast together and made it as ‘real’ as she could, we so wanted you to be there. She misses you so terribly. Remember in my last letter when I said I couldn’t bear to watch her heartbreak from losing you? It’s devastating. Please tell God we WILL have a come to Jesus meeting when I get up there cause I have a whole list of follow up questions! I am grateful I will always have a ‘healthy’ (considering everything) picture of you in my head, but now when I picture you and Reggie up in Heaven together, I picture you in a sleeveless, long, iridescent, sparkling formal dress, with a glitter glowing halo and glitter all dusted on your wings. You look so beautiful and happy, just as you always did here. Please make sure they save me a pair of the glitter wings so we can match again, just like we did most days. (I still have our matching Boyz-In-The-Hood shirts, Mom won’t leave the house in it and match with me *eyeroll*) 

Thank you for gifting me with your quality time over the last year. We have some exceptionally beautiful memories together. I’m so sorry I didn’t get to take you to Hawaii or Disneyworld. I know I promised you we’d go to Disney and I never broke a promise to you. You are with me daily, thanks to the gorgeous necklace Mom gave me. If I go, I promise you’ll still be with me (not like I ever plan on taking this necklace off!)  

Oh my gosh! You’d be SO proud of me; I hold Nala every day! I’m still scared of cats but I know how much you loved her, so I do it for you my dear and I don’t mind one bit.  

I hope you know I would have given you my life if I could have. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for you- the sky’s the limit! Like I always said, “Babygirl gets what babygirl wants!” Please keep an eye on me and mom and visit us whenever you’d like! Thank you for giving me another chance at life and all the good qualities you shared with me. I’ve never met a more happy, sweet, exceptional, gorgeous, sparkling human. You’re one-of-a-kind baby! Like every night before bed, I love you and you’re beautiful.  



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