Finding Your Answer to “Why Me?” – A Journey of Healing and Strength

“Why me?” It’s a question that resonates with many of us during life’s most challenging moments. Those two simple words can carry a heavy burden of pain, sorrow, and frustration. In this personal transcript, I, Cristi Bundukamara, will share my own experiences and insights into this complex and often daunting question. I’ll walk you through three steps that have helped me confront the “Why me?” question and transform it into a source of strength and growth.

Step 1: Thinking It Through

The first step in addressing the “Why me?” question is to take the time to truly think it through. It’s not about suppressing or ignoring the pain; it’s about understanding the emotions, thoughts, and feelings behind that question. For me, this question became all-consuming when I faced the tragic loss of my son and later, my daughter.

As I circled thoughts and emotions like powerlessness, grief, and spiritual conflict, I started to uncover the layers of my pain. It wasn’t just about asking “Why me?” superficially; it was about delving into the deep-seated emotions that fueled that question.

Step 2: Taking Control of Emotions

Control is a word that might trigger some people when discussing emotions, but it’s crucial to understand that we have the power to control how we respond to our emotions. This doesn’t mean suppressing them but acknowledging and feeling them.

I used a thought map to organize my emotions and thoughts, creating a structured way to confront my pain. By organizing these feelings, I was better equipped to address each one individually. For me, my “Why me?” was heavily weighted in trauma, grief, and spiritual conflict.

Step 3: Making Choices

The final step is to make choices that empower you and help you move forward. It’s essential to remember that these choices might not be easy, but they are necessary for healing and growth.

One of the choices I made was to practice what I call “controlled grief.” This involves taking time to process my emotions regularly, reducing the intensity and frequency of overwhelming grief. I also combined this with gratitude practice, focusing on what I still had control over in my life.


Addressing the “Why me?” question is a deeply personal journey that requires introspection, emotional honesty, and the willingness to confront our pain head-on. It’s not about denying the difficulty of our circumstances or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it’s about finding strength and purpose in the face of adversity.

For me, turning “Why me?” into a source of power meant acknowledging the purpose behind my children’s lives and the lessons they brought to mine. It was about understanding that my tragedies had led me to a spiritual place I might never have reached otherwise.

While it’s not easy, and the road is filled with challenges, it’s a journey worth taking. We all have the power to transform our pain into strength and resilience. So, the next time you find yourself asking, “Why me?” remember that you have the capacity to shape the answer and find purpose in your pain.

I’m Cristi Bundukamara, a psychiatric nurse practitioner with over 20 years of clinical experience. But my deepest insights into mental strength come from my own experiences of loss, trauma, and healing. Join me on this journey of practicing mental strength and share this blog with someone who needs it. Remember, we’re not alone in our struggles, and together, we can find the strength to face them.

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